Hi, I really want to thank everybody who has been connecting my blog to Facebook and Twitter. With the amount of media that has saturated the nation to have my writing actually be put into the vast ocean of social networking is very flattering and I am very grateful. I personally don’t have the energy to be involved with social networking and I prefer to talk to people where there is already the assumption that we are both human beings and unfortunately on the Internet that is not often the case. I know that I don’t follow very many blogs and even those that I follow I have trouble keeping up with. The constant medical crises just leave me with very few “spoons” to do more than self-care (although I’ve been having trouble even doing that medically) on top of the work giving options to white supremacy to people in prison, maintaining the State’s only MCS resource, doing disability advocacy and readings that have been maintaining the highest level of accuracy I’ve ever had. Luckily any of that work doesn’t require me being “conscious” so it doesn’t matter how sick I get. Freya can still step into me. In fact it’s probably much easier if I am not even there LOL.
Plus there is a lot of prayer for my values: the freedom of religion that my ancestors created in the swamps of Massachusetts and Rhode Island , the only place in the Western world where you could have whatever religion you chose . There’s also the disturbing nationalistic trends leading to fascism in Eastern Europe paganism but also this country where patriotism is being replaced with nationalism. And that is a very dangerous place to be. Also there’s a lot of prayer about having safe food, because we are losing seeds at an alarming rate. I remember in 1987 learning that there was a nuclear bomb shelter inside a mountain in Sweden where they were keeping every kind of seed they could find and I wonder if that is still happening. Because when you are in love with the world things like seeds are the most beautiful mystery and sacred power I can imagine. No wonder the sacred mysteries in Greece for 4000 years were about the seeds. Also my own really strong need to be outside which has not happened in over a year has led to some interesting developments.
First I just want to tell everyone that when studying to do so many handouts that average 60 pages of very small font about different pagan paths I found so many beautiful things that I respect and love whatever your choice is. Truth against the World (the corrupted man-made human control world) is one of the most inspiring things I’ve read in a long time. The Greek mysteries with all the different cults were really inspiring as well as my look into Egypt. Kemetic orthodoxy or polytheism, it was quite beautiful and fascinating. Maat is a truly ambitious goal. I really wish that there were a lot more modern Hellenistic pagans writing because there was very little I can actually send unless it was from translated Greek websites. Yoruba definitely had the writing that made me fall in love with the universe all over again. It was very close to the feeling I had growing up where instead of God the connection was with Brahman and my Atman. Reading about all of these ancient traditions more in-depth was really validating about how important the mystical experience is for polytheism. I would argue it’s incredibly important for any religion so you experience it in your body and your heart not just your brain.
Because of being trapped inside without any visitors – which I know I am very lucky to have as a person with MCS in the United States – and being primarily what I might call Vanatru I have felt the need to connect with the indigenous land spirits here. I may not be able to go outside but I still welcome any benevolent land spirits into my home for the winter. I may not be able to have any dried herbs or cut flowers but the spirit is there. I feel it’s only respectful to know them by the names that they are most used to . The same way that I find it important to know what are the actual names of the places I live. Of course any work like that has to be balanced with political alliances with the native people who are still facing genocide. I did that in New York State with the Lenape nation, asking permission before even messing with the land there. Checking if there are places I should not go because they are sacred to someone else and I don’t have the cultural understanding of why. There are always offerings to the ancestors of place who are the Abenaki. The Wabenaki Federation is involved with many of the same environmental justice concerns that naturally matters great deal to me. The poorest people are the ones who are given the most toxic land. Whether it’s a brown space in the projects or dumping toxic waste on the reservation. Indigenous people have a very high rate of MCS.
I’m really lucky for my friends like Michelle, Armstrong , Keith , Paul, Raven, Lealia and also my mother ! I don’t know how hard it must be to hear me struggling with doctors and treatment plans or to hear me rambling with fevers. But that they can speaks volumes to their own inner stability and courage. Also the woman in charge of the Medicaid program that basically make sure I doesn’t die Michelle Brennan is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. That’s one of the reasons why the program works. When you have a chronic illness or are disabled it is a full-time job and it’s really hard to juggle everything especially if you are passing out a lot like I am. Most social workers are antisocial and it’s scary to contact them. They don’t seem to understand that they’re working with sick people. Michelle is the only person I’ve ever dealt with in any social service position who actually understands that I am sick. I personally worked in that field a little bit and almost did get my MSW but I knew that it was the fast track to hating human beings. And when I do talk to antisocial service workers and let them know that I share some of the same background that’s when they tell me how much they really do hate human beings . They hate the government as well. Their job is to just tell people that they can’t help them and it’s not their fault it’s the government. Like my mother counseling police officers who realize that they’ve lost their humanity the same thing happens with social workers. I’m at the point in my life where at age 45 I’m tired of making excuses for why other people treat others horribly. Or putting up with people who say they are something that they’re not for wasting anytime on anyone who isn’t really doing anything but still has a loud opinion. At this point if I don’t consider them my equal there’s no reason for dialogue. Those of us who are really busy doing things to make the world a better place – at least for me I’m finally where I’m very tired of making excuses for people who don’t but talk about it a lot loudly. That’s been a really big change for me. Too much of my life went into understanding everyone’s point of view but my own and that is not a good survival skill unless you are in really abusive relationships. Like being held hostage.
I’m still amazed at how afraid people are to speak out especially if they’re disabled, the fear that they have of somehow losing their $700 a month if they take action or even speak about their stories. Freedom of speech really is invisible privilege I’m realizing more and more. That it is mandatory for an athlete to stand for the national anthem or he will get death threats goes against everything in the Constitution. I have been feeling more and more over the last year and 1/2 that we are living in the Soviet Union and I expect breadlines at any moment. Last night I dreamt a nuclear bomb went off in upstate New York. Before ISIS formed I had constant dreams of being guided to violence was going to happen except I couldn’t tell what the nations were because everybody looks very different – also a lot of it took place in ghettos where the people were not even part of the nation necessarily or its dominant culture. I did see people laying out prayer rugs and a storefront. None of this is anti-Muslim in fact if anything it showed me that it was a very wide range space not one specific group or area. At one point I thought it was former Soviet Muslim states and then I thought Indonesia and then European cities and it was just a handful of individuals not the entire community at all. Before that I was having nightmares about somebody trying to dismantle or set off – I couldn’t figure out which – an old nuclear bomb in Ukraine but the control for it was in Russia. There are a lot of missles everywhere and the people who control them are in Russia. Later and then started in the Ukraine. I never learned what happened to all of those missiles but my concern has always been about who has the money to make sure that nuclear waste and missiles are not leaking everywhere? So those dreams were only unsettling when things came out in the new.
Last night I dreamt that Donald Trump was president and with the absolute ineptness that is proven ( he has been bankrupt six times) a nuclear bomb went off in upstate New York. Part of me thinks that him becoming president is the natural result of American Wyrd. Imagine foreign affairs where he tries to tell heads of state and other nations “you’re fired!” My half joking serious idea he will just sell the United States China and then claimed he got rid of the national debt. I understand Americans being sick of politicians and Killary is definitely a politician. When we had two polar opposite candidates doing so well – Trump and Bernie Sanders – obviously Americans are tired of politics as usual. What I don’t think people who expected Obama to change things, expected Ocuupy to do anything or expect Trump to do anything have forgotten is that the international economy collapsed in 2008, fracking is a oil junkies spoon wash. To maintain capitalism they have been forced to get a lot more extreme like imprisoning 1% of the American population to live in work camps, one in eight of those people are there for marijuana. I personally prefer to have stoner neighbors then I do have alcoholic ones.
But I also had a beautiful dream where I was going into an anarchist center that was an old building that had been and was still being renovated kind of like ABC no Rio in New York City which was a squat and now it’s a community center involving the same people it was a squat.
As I walked through I heard a woman singing as she was playing guitar and the song was beautiful and it was actually singing freedom into creation. When I saw her she was bald from chemotherapy with a scarf wrapped around her head. When I got to the very back of the building there was only windows and I could see the curve of Alaska in the sky and the entire United States with the Rocky Mountains – everything west of me. I could see some guys with long hair in a band somewhere in the field maybe Colorado and then looking down I saw papier-mâché alligators and snakes that looked somewhat like dragons or lindworms. There was nothing more beautiful.
And in my dreams I have been traveling from the West Coast slowly to the east sometimes with old friends. A very long road trip – it’s often hard to imagine how big the Midwest is and also Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico which are among the most strange parts of the country I’ve ever driven through. And last night we were in the Great Lakes area somehow between Michigan and Pennsylvania. The dream before that had been Indiana. I’m not sure what I’m gathering on this drive but I know that everything went wrong as soon as I got out of the truck in Los Angeles to be with a man who had lied considerably during a long-distance relationship. But because there are people from the past in these different cities that I knew one time I feel like I’m picking up pieces of myself and my own history of traveling throughout America. Which is an amazing nation to watch from the seat of a car or the side of a bus window. You can actually spend six hours seeing signs that keep reminding you that you can see the largest prairie dog in the world and that’s basically the only sign for those six hours. That to me is amazing. In one drive across the country you can hit multiple national disasters , trust me I have LOL. the entire way to Los Angeles was nothing but natural disasters and now I’m sure that it was Freya screaming turnback!
I’m taking a break for my health and nobody gives you a medal for that. People recognize you for working your ass off but there’s not a lot of fanfare when you preserve your most important natural resource: your body. This is something I know that a lot of people face, especially the “strong” African-American woman who can’t stop because there’s so much on her plate. Taking a break for your own sanity and also physical health is so important that I wish we were taught from birth especially women who are taught to be caregivers nonstop that the center of your life has to be self-care or you will die. African-Americans in the United States compared to Caucasian Americans have really high blood pressure and unlike Caucasian Americans it usually doesn’t go down when sleeping and that is a medical result of racism.
The battle against Lyme disease bacteria and the babesiosis/malaria parasite has been really difficult and it’s incredibly frightening. Babesiosis was not discovered until recently when they had better microscopes. It’s an epidemic in China. The antimalarial medication is so harsh that the doctors I know almost never prescribe it but with the herbal options that have the most success over the prescription antimalarial medications they are very rare. There’s only one herb that is not an alcohol tincture. These are not herbs I can just go get in the field by my mother. One drop of alcohol even if you heat up the water makes me completely intoxicated. The other herb is wormwood which I used to dry and burn every day when praying for the world every morning between three and six. It really helped for almost 50 days and I felt a lot better during the summer. Then I got really sick.
I haven’t stopped being really sick since then except I just got used to it. I’ve said throughout the entire time I’ve had these diseases including the seven years where no doctor can diagnose them because the test that is used is only 55% accurate and completely out of date , “I’m disintegrating” and I would tell my PCP Dr. D’Amato that I felt like I was dropping like an elevator – one floor at a time. Reading books by people with multiple sclerosis was the closest thing I could relate to. If you know me and you probably do by now I’m incredibly proactive when I get a misdiagnosis and research the hell out of it . So I have a lot of medical information that doesn’t really apply to me anymore if it ever did and having MCS has given me a lot of legal information that I never thought I would ever need. Strange how that works.
So the jumping muscles, the frozen feet , the constant chronic pain that has made it so I haven’t been able to even sit in a chair for almost a year , the menstrual cramps I’ve never had before , the fevers that come and go and make the lights look really strange, losing my voice so often, not being able to write in my medical journal that I’ve eaten , not knowing if it is seven in the morning or seven at night and generally feeling so bad that I gave up my normal MCS detoxification routine because it was far too strenuous.
When I started having hormonal crying , and I can tell what that is, I realized something was really wrong.
About a week ago I went into shock after talking to my specialist because my MCS is so severe nobody knows what medications I can take, how much I should take, went to take them or anything else so I’m in charge.
Telling that to someone who doesn’t know what time it is and cannot stop sobbing for no reason is really not the best thing to do. I’ve never really felt like she understood how severe my MCS is. Luckily somebody who specializes with genetic illnesses was brought in and she doesn’t have any patients yet .
I’ve had DNA testing and because I know the horrific history of the disability civil rights movement in the United States of course it was under a fake name because eugenics is always lurking around the corner. Remember Hitler killed my people first. However the doctor he was so excited about this brand-new toy didn’t really know how to read it because that’s incredibly complicated. We did learn that I was born with genetically compromised detoxification pathways which under normal circumstances meaning if I was born anytime before 100 years ago I wouldn’t have any health problems from it unless I was guzzling vodka. I’ve had mild to moderate MCS my entire life . It made school horrible and it also had a lot to do with my friends were because if you wore pukefirm or used any dry-cleaning I felt terrible around you. I made a timeline of my health problems and they corresponded with workplaces or housing. Every time I’ve ever felt suicidal my boyfriend or husband had fabric softener. It could just be that people who use fabric softener are crazy makers and both of them were probably the most insane people I’ve ever been with but I’m aware that it was more than that. Jobs that I had to quit without knowing why but I just couldn’t go back – all of them were offices that were not ventilated well and I was near photocopy machine and as a journalist I was next to the fashion department who were testing pukefirms. Winterized housing is one of the reasons MCS has skyrocketed since the 1970s . My health is better in the city because in the country people use woodstoves.
But a lot of it was as long as I stayed at home I was okay.
I’m having a lot of problems with understanding my job as the top doctor in charge of absolutely everything. What seems to be the problem I’m guessing is that the herb cat claw which really made me feel so good has steadily been killing bacteria. Wormwood was killing the parasites.
But because of having detoxification issues that were made incredibly worse by an Episcopalian church in Saugerties New York not taking care of the chimney so bricks fell in and the house was filled with carbon monoxide for 16 months NDS I had detectors and yes they kept going off and yes I kept calling the fire department and gas company and vestry but because the house was falling apart so much the draft made it hard to get any readings. This was housing owned by the Bishop of the Episcopal Church based in New York City – he lives in a Manhattan penthouse and he marched with Occupy. The vestry was very late and doing anything to take care of the house so they were painting it while we live there with high VOCs that took almost 2 months to drive because of the humidity. VOC’s are one of the main causes of MCS. The main cause is pesticides in the United States and sick building syndrome in Japan. My body just stopped to get anything out.
Now I have a bunch of dead parasites and bacteria decaying in my body unable to leave. That is what is making me sick right now. One injection of B12 methyl and all of the crying stopped. I had thought that the medications were not working when in reality they were working very well. As those dead microorganisms filled me up my own hormones which have always had trouble getting out of my body built-up as well along with anything else .
I’ve stopped taking anything for the infections for couple days and I’m feeling better but I’m having detoxification symptoms that are almost exactly like I was being poisoned by that of the Episcopal church and Bishop. (I actually was bit by the tick who made me sick on the grounds of another church so I’m going to say stay away from churches.)
This happened before a couple of months ago when I was having the same symptoms as when I was being poisoned. Also right before that I was having the first symptoms from when I was bit.
Now “healing crisis” is a term that is used far too often without people understanding what it is. I’ve had a lot of idiot medical people tell me I was having a healing crisis when I was having a medical crisis. However I can say now that they actually do happen. What it consists of is having your symptoms move from the recent ones to the first ones so you are actually getting deeper and going back to the original causes. I had always had an alarmingly high level of copper – in fact as a child they asked me if I was eating pennies. I of course was indignant. A doctor was able to remove that – 20 years as a vegetarian certainly did not help my health – but now I have the taste of pennies in my mouth all of the time. One way I take the pressure off of my liver with the impaired genetic detoxification pathways is by swishing around sunflower oil organic of course in my mouth for about 20 minutes and then scraping the tongue . Sunflowers planted around Chernobyl draw up the radioactive materials which makes the flowers very toxic but prepares the soil . By doing “oil pulling” you can get a lot of toxic stuff out of your body through your mouth. And yes, it is as gross as it sounds. But after a week you don’t have morning breath because there’s not much left to have come out of your mouth. It’s especially recommended if you have had any dental work done recently .
When having toxic exposures my lips tingle and I used to call it my Spidey sense . I’ve always had a terrible sense of smell but my lips can tell me what I’m around and the feeling I have in them and where I have it can tell me what chemical it is. If there was a game show I would do very well except I would pass out. Right now my lips are totally numb on the inside of my mouth because of all of the chemicals that are leaving .
One and 1/2 years ago the hospital destroyed my veins making blood work really hard. A chemical they used to wipe my arm which normally makes me very sick because any chemical on my skin go straight into my body obviously which is why I have two chlorine filters on my shower actually got into the hole that they had made straight into my blood flow. For at least 12 hours I was having horrible exposures to my own sweat and tears which burned my skin. I was just in the shower with my mother helping me to scrub while I sobbed in pain . I would try off and put on clothing and it would get my sweat on it and we would have to throw it out . Considering that the only organic safe clothing for me every item is like $100 that was really devastating . ( Right now there are no organic underwear companies that are making anything safe enough for me and my size so I literally have nowhere to buy underwear and there is only one pair of pants that are safe enough for me and those are fleece so there’s nothing I can wear if it’s not freezing cold. But I just want you to imagine what it would be like if you could not buy underwear – before they were $26 a pair . I’ve been far too sick to use my sewing machine but underwear isn’t really the kind of thing that I have any idea how to make. Especially if you use menstrual pads.
So things have been really really bad with my health for a long time – I mean they always have been bad since eight years ago when I was bit and also been pretty bad since I started school and was brought into the world chemicals but it’s been a lot worse and it’s really scary.
I understand that no doctor can tell me what will happen if I take anything . We don’t know how long it takes for something to leave my body. The medications I suspect are building up inside of me as well so even though I’m taking 1/32 of a capsule (that is how low my doses have to be) within a week it’s built up inside of me so it’s like I’ve already had two capsules that aren’t leaving the body.
I thought the medications were not working and so I was having really bad flares but now I think that I’m dealing with the medications working and I can’t get the stuff out of my body. Detoxification in general is really hard if you have MCS because you might be able to do phase 1 and get things out of your cells, but they just run around oxidizing. Phase 2 where I have a lot of trouble is when they leave you. Getting them to leave is really difficult.
Babesiosis is fatal and it will only get worse and worse so I have already talked to my doctors about the suicide pill. Considering that I can’t even go into a hospital without passing out because of all the chemicals the idea of doing a blood transfusion to get the parasites out which some people have to do with babesiosis is impossible. One hope I have is that since babesiosis is rather new and it is causing epidemics in the world that somebody will actually find a better treatment than antimalarial medications. Babesiosis was always thought to be malaria and the symptoms are very similar except I’m not yellow . It has a lot to do with your heart and it’s why I’m out of breath when I get out of my bed and my heart races . It’s why I have “air hunger” where there is no feeling of actually getting any air and I think my rib cage has frozen and it induces panic. It’s why I have all the malaria symptoms as well like meeting the heat to be really high and basically being naked except for underwear and socks all of the time so I can pile pillows all over myself and then throw them off as my internal sense of temperature changes. My feet might be blocks of ice as my head is sweating.
Lyme disease changes you psychologically – almost everybody has depression, anxiety and for some reason PTSD symptoms. However it can develop into any psychiatric illness” because the bacteria can mimic absolutely any illness that is out there. Babesiosis makes that much more severe and you can have absolutely 100% personality changes – that is what scares me the most is what I don’t want to live with. Also my brain has been what has kept me alive , I’ve never been able to rely on anyone else to know what they’re doing and if the babesiosis keeps taking that away from me I will have to die. It’s quality-of-life.
Lyme disease I always assume everyone knows about because where I live it’s an epidemic . Vermont is the number one state. It wasn’t until I was talking to Jeremy Hammond on the phone and he asked me how I was doing and said something about not knowing much about Lyme disease and there was a plus. I said “I’m not going to die” at the same time that he asked ” is there a cure?” For a so-called terrorist he tells me that MCS sounds worse than prison. Anyway for those of you who don’t know the big problem with Lyme disease is that it mimics every other illness. The bacteria changes shape and it causes infections throughout your entire body so your symptoms are constantly changing. It can make you look like a hypochondriac especially when they have the psychological manifestations which everyone gets. The brain fog people talk about with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome is much worse. I gave my mother power of attorney because I no longer could deal with trying to even talk to a pharmacy. You might be vomiting one day and then just feel like you have the flu for a month , I have chronic neck pain because it’s become meningitis. People I know who already had asthma have had really bad lung problems, some people need to have surgery to remove organs and there’s no way of course I could ever be put under without not coming back. A lot of the time it manifests in pain in your joints – it’s misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia constantly. But just imagine having a really bad flu along with the feeling that someone has beaten you with a baseball bat and that you are somehow Rufied with chronic insomnia . Maybe have your eyes be blurry . Throw in migraines.
I haven’t had seizures in a long time and I think that’s because of not having exposure to pukefirm because I don’t ever leave the room and also the reactive hypoglycemia that is so common especially because of the liver problems seems to be better but at the same time I have timers that go every four hours telling me to eat something .
My life actually revolves around timers with different ringtones telling me to eat or to take medications and some of them are medicated and some of them are injections and other ones are in little boxes except my fingers shakes so much I can’t really get them out and I am constantly finding my morphine under my pillow so no wonder I’m in pain all the time.
Morphine was a hard decision because I swear when I was 18 I would never go near opiates. But it was such help. Right now thanks to the heroin epidemic almost no doctor will prescribe pain medication. (If you think that living in the middle of nowhere in wholesome new England will get you away from crystal meth and heroin you are totally miseducated.) However a paramedic friend and my doctor finally explained to me that when you have pain substance P floods system and it takes a long time for it to stop even if you take morphine . So I can’t just go around taking it when I feel pain because that doesn’t prevent it from starting. Making sure it doesn’t start is the key. I am blackballed from the entire medical community in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont because of taking prescribed opiates, ones that actually the doctor I saw their continued to prescribe and when she had a nervous breakdown and left just the nurse in charge decided I was a drug addict even though that nurse had no doctor about her and it was illegal and my doctors in New York City wanted me to sue for malpractice because she just told me to go to the emergency room which is also an abuse of the emergency room. But it’s also malpractice to just refuse to even wean somebody off opiates , to just stop them, and it’s also malpractice to have a nurse practitioner running a clinic without a position about her. However the billing management company that owns every practice in the entire Northeast Kingdom except one has a lot of lawyers and I’m really really sick. It’s another reason why am treated like shit at the local hospital but northern Vermont regional hospital is very poorly rated – when my mother broke her spine and arm they missed half of the broken bones with their x-rays. Anyway when substance P goes up serotonin and dopamine go way down and even though there’s no study that is ever shown a connection between those bodies chemicals and mental health I will say that emotionally I feel a lot better with the morphine although that could be because I’m not in screaming pain literally. I think because of having ADHD it makes me hyper so I don’t get whatever that high is other people get. My PCP trust me because she’s known me and also I guess it helps that I brought in hundreds of Vicodin and oxycodone that made me really sick because I can’t take acetaminophen .
She said it was really good I brought them to her because the police department was just arrested for selling the prescription drugs that people were bringing in.
Anyway I figure if I live opiate withdrawal ain’t no big thing. Not like beating the odds with these illnesses .
I’m really grateful that I did start reaching out to people in prison because I have a new really good friend and I realize that she’s been paying a lot of money to stay in contact with me because the email in federal prison is the most expensive in the nation and she makes $0.70 an hour and I don’t think people know but in prison you have to even pay to go do laundry. She doesn’t get snacks, reading glasses, notebooks, tampons, shampoo, toothbrush or anything like that without paying for it and the mark up is 35%. She pays six dollars so we can VideoTalk for 25 minutes and she has a lot of seizures so she misses work but she has to work 10 hours a day, otherwise she would just have five dollars a month. That would be her disability pay. One thing I’ve noticed is that people in prison will not tell me how expensive it is to be in prison and they constantly say to not send any money. They are so afraid of losing contact with people because they don’t have anyone and they really don’t want people on the outside to think that they’re trying to scam them.
What she doesn’t understand is that with me basically living like I’m under house arrest with no visitors and being so incredibly ill those video visits are at least as beneficial for me as they are for her . And that’s really sad. I mean it’s sad that she doesn’t know that she’s important . She’s had hand surgery and she works telemarketing so she’s not sure how she’s going to pay for anything. the guards pepper sprayed the entire room with no ventilation with 20 women in it because of one woman’s behavior and left them all there for two hours and she had two strokes from the pepper spray so she’s disabled because of prison brutality. Although people in prison don’t say these kind of things – I’m the one who says them and they just nod very slightly. I want to pay for some of our visits but she’s not making it very easy for me to figure out how.
Soon it will be my one year anniversary of blood dedication to Freya and then after that my marriage to Papa Simbi. He is not a God spouse, but it was something he wanted me to do for a long time because he is in charge of my healing and said that if we were related then he could call on the rest of his family to help me. There was no mambo or anything like that but just me saying yes finally. It didn’t change our relationship because he’s so shy.
Meanwhile Freya has been able to just take over my body no matter how sick I get now. Anything she wants me to know she will tell me and then she will throw some article at me . I don’t even have to look for anything. I was intimidated by year ago when she said she wanted a book of writing about her family but it’s pretty easy when she just starts talking and I just have to start dictating on the machines. And then the books and articles show up and say that she’s right. One thing that we are learning about right now is how she is one of the few proto-Indo-European goddesses that we can trace all over the place as prija.
So on one level, Waincraft got some things really right. Not that Waincraft isn’t already right, it’s just right for what she is telling me . I understand how Vanatru developed into that.
Odin she told me was found in the forests of Germania. He is indigenous to that area . He didn’t come from the Indo-European homeland. Tyr, Tuisto, Mannus, Frigga, Freya, Thor and Loki’s children Hela and the world serpent are the only ones that for sure I know are proto-Indo-European related. To understand Loki better and all of his children, Slavic Veles has greatly helped and also Ingvi FreyR has me add Jarillo to him name to deepen my understanding. She’s always been very consistent about the importance of the whole Eastern European and Baltic area as far as understanding Vanatru . Pre-Slavic, vert first Indo-European settlers with first wheels ever. Now some specific Slavic parts.
The other part is studying her from her beginnings linguistically as a proto-Indo-European goddess. No wonder she has so many “sides” to her! She really has been everywhere and everything. It’s hard to do any sort of genealogy because a lot of gods and goddesses were once her or another god or goddess. It seems like some of them kind of do like amoebas and just split in half and then they become separate developing with people in the landscape. Meanwhile others seem to come out of the land although she might have come out of the land in the Indo-European home. When she talks about cousins it is interesting to try to understand what she means.
She also has loaned me out to Loki to speak to one of his wives and that is really great because he is awesome to be with! He is so funny and also I’ve never seen any god or goddess more dedicated to humanity. The amount of love and protection he extends his outstanding . His total devotion to Odin in being the fall guy for all of the things that have to happen is unbelievable to me. I would never do it. But Freya says she never would either. Taking her necklace from her was not something he should’ve done – and it was Odin who gave the order and it was Loki who was the fall guy following Odin’s order. So she’s been explaining some things about how that is all set up. Although she’s really not that interested in anything Norse because she just says that’s where she ended up staying a goddess but now that she can be a goddess anywhere else she’s quite happy to sever her ties with the Aesir. “They don’t own me.”
And the spirit work stuff is scary accurate. I don’t know how she manages to do it for Loki either with my body when I’m completely useless otherwise but she had been saying some things for quite a while about making me hollow and also she used the word horse so if this is possession it’s not really all that hard. The SeidR magic lessons she’s actually been using what I’ve learned about computer hacking to explain how it works in some ways. But because Simbi is in charge of computers I will wait until I write about him and show off what I gave to my husband as a present. All of the prophecy part or talking to the dead I already knew how to do so Freya says having a staff is stupid and I wouldn’t be able to sit in a chair anyway. Since I don’t live in a culture that uses a spindle the staff doesn’t really have any special meaning to me unless I give it one so tools are never necessary.
However it is a lot easier to do any sort of magic that involves a god or goddess (the only way I will do it) by holding the beaded Shrines – I am really amazed that how much they carry of the actual god or goddess in them . It’s a lot like the statues in Hinduism but I never really felt that at the temples.
Anyway thank you for reading and passing things along . I figured people should know what’s going on behind the blog post – I am a human being🙂
Any weird mistakes with the dictation – I am sorry but my Kindle is totally dying. It probably left out some crucial words – a lot of the time it leaves out “not” which completely reverses what I was trying to say LOL so thank you for piecing it together.